2021 has been a tough year so far and it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. I can feel myself slipping away physically and emotionally, even crying nonstop for hours. So far, listening to meditation music helped calm me down last night and letting everything go. I thought about writing again now and I believe it’s helping. In front of me is a huge Chili’s unli chips and salsa and my Shirley temple. I long for simple days like this, just partying by myself with chill house music and not thinking about anything or anybody else. 


No offense to the pandemic but I am cherishing less people in restaurants. It’s stressing for me to think about what to eat and cook every single meal, esp. in my current state. I don’t want to cook and I don’t want to talk to anyone else other than J. But writing, taking photos or videos and putting this out there is therapeutic for me. Ironic, huh? 

I guess if you read this, don’t feel bad or anything for me. This is the best I can do after my meltdowns, breakdowns and upsets. Eat whatever I want, work when I want, wear what I feel like, write what’s on my mind, take care of myself without a care about what people will say, be by myself for a few months and not force myself to socialize. Everything triggers me at this point but that’s only my story.

My takeaway would probably to put myself in order and first in everything I do. I will go back to what I’ve learned at the Landmark Forum more than a decade ago - what is and maybe eventually have a breakthrough.

Thanks, Chilis, for our quick getaway. Everything was perfect for a few hours tonight.


Cheers 😘